Comfort.
What do you associate with that word? Is it soft blankets, and food cooked in the heart of the home, is it the caress of an intimate partner or completely platonic embraces with trusted friends?
Is it something that we can explain in words should we be asked, but is elusive to put into practice and truly feel?
I have some thoughts on this.
We have all felt the shift in the last few years, not just because of the event that I shall not name, (because we are all sick to death of hearing about it), and the multitude of decimation it had on people’s lives, destruction that was not equal across all classes, because we must not forget that as in all times of troubles and chaos, the rich will always get richer, the biggest corporations always make bigger profit margins… the powerful, gain more power.
It was also a terrible time for women, with workloads becoming unmanageable, more difficulty escaping domestic violence, monitoring from abusive partners becoming easier than ever, and the triggers associated with the discard for body autonomy from not only the government, but friends and family too, so caught up in the whirlwind, that all compassion, reason, and humanity had left the building.
The many obstacles that arose during that time, were all a shake up of the very foundations of everyday life, with loss of employment, loss of income, homes, relationships, friends, and family… not to mention health, not just physical… but mental and spiritual too.
In a world where humans might be more deluded than ever with how much control we actually have, that was a time of profound loss, an absolute assault on the ego, but again, I will highlight that not all players were, or are… equal.
The shift… You know the one, maybe it cannot be put into words, devoid of a name, but felt none the less, is undeniable. Everyone has changed in some way over the last few years, of course there are some who have held onto the last shred of all they know, but deep down we all feel it.
In times of significant division, across a multitude of ideologies and topics, in times of over pathologizing everything, most likely due to the hyper focus on health and sickness (strangely with an absolute disregard for a healthier lifestyle, when you see more advertising for supplements and big pharma than you do for healthy eating and lifestyle, the capitalist consumerism beast is hard to ignore), and in times of extreme labelling and segregation… is it any wonder comfort is hard to hold with our hands?
Everyone is hyper aware, and overstimulated, I mean… how can they not be, I really feel as though I should be saying “we” rather than “they” as I want to avoid any tones of othering, something else that is running rife.
Why are we overstimulated? Obviously, technology plays an integral part, for platforms like Instagram, TikTok and Facebook, that is their whole business model. To keep you scrolling, into a bottomless void of meaningless nonsense, which kills me as an artist, as I must participate at times, to be seen by the algorithm, and one of the reasons I have decided to put a pause on making a living from art.
In the past I remember coming home as a child, to having to light the woodfire stove and woodfire hot water system, out in the bush, and being ever present in the moment. Everything was felt, in that silence of the bush, there was no place to run and hide, no place to pass hours that feel like minutes, numbing the mind and spirit with the heights of stupidity, capitalism, consumerism, detachment and avoidance that is now in the palm of our hands. It was just you… and the universe.
It was not you, and millions of other voices, ideas, conflicts, emotions, and egos.
It was not you and endless news, endless politics, endless coverage of devastating world events, tragedies and let’s not forget advertising… the amount of advertising! I harp on about monetisation and consumerism a lot, but if the current model the world is working on, doesn’t change soon… we are in big trouble.
This will sound almost nihilistic, and I promise that is not my intent, but what gives me a moment of comfort sometimes is knowing, that while we all burn into oblivion and our children suffer, the children of the powerful, greed driven and almost robotic players in the piece, will suffer along with us.
Because as I mentioned earlier, we do not have the amount of power we think we do, on this fragile planet, in the truly unknown… the drivers of the current narrative are not gods, they are not immune, and they will have nowhere to run when consequences finally hold them down by both arms and stare them in the face.
By now, you must be wondering why the hell I put comfort anywhere in this title, this is not the hot soup, kitty stroking story you were expecting.
But I am a firm believer in moving through the pains and darkness, I have never been one to numb feelings or situations with vices or denial, I will move through that destruction with full force, until that storm blows over, then finding my comfort after it has passed.
True comfort, where my body is tired, my mind has been bent to the point of progress, and I have found some acceptance and reasoning… or not… sometimes acceptance must be enough.
Which brings me to the societal disregard for these messy times, anything that doesn’t look like monetized assistance from the outside, or remaining poised, is seen as a mental break… is seen as unacceptable. A complete denial of moving through cycles, of hard work done from within… and even the necessity of darkness, of sadness, of pain… I know personally that some of my deepest understanding, transformation, healing and even my best artwork… has been born of suffering, sickness and even trauma.
I laugh being told to have therapy… why would I do that? Why would I deny myself all these little gems I have discovered, without being influenced, why would I bypass and try to silence these lessons?… I am only speaking for myself, and everyone is free to make their own choices based on their needs, but for myself, I find the idea completely absurd.
I had a discussion about this recently, where even trying to explain the point I am currently making, was met with (I will now start throwing in some psychologising terms of my own) downright dismissing and gaslighting, something I find so fascinating, with this current age of over psychologising everyone, without taking into account any nuance… even standing firm on your thoughts on your own life, can be met with an endless twisting, turning and manipulation, of what disorder you must be suffering from, and that by rejecting the perceptions placed on you… that you then must in deed, need some help.
Dare I say… it is rather “toxic”.
See what I did there.
I talk a lot about the western ideas of “healing” and how it is so centralised around money, how it is so clinical, and I draw a lot of memories from my time in Indonesia, and how personal crisis are dealt with, they are faced with community, family, and taking the spirit into account… approaches that are worlds apart from how it is dealt with in the west.
I am going to make it clear, before anyone starts jumping up and down… Yes, professional services have a place, and yes, they may be best for some people, as is medications or wherever their informed choices lay… and they are some key words.
Informed choices.
If you are one of those people with knee jerk reactions to these topics, ask yourself… really… what has brought you to your deep seeded conclusions? If its societal norms, what you are told, what is generally deemed acceptable by a current narrative? Not forgetting that these narratives are never ending shapeshifters, what was normal one hundred years ago, is now, at best laughed at, and at worse looked at with absolute horror… do you really think we are doing much better? Because some might argue, things are much worse.
I will now move back into the promise of what this story has been titled…comfort.
I do not conjure up visions of watching movies and eating, while in a blanket fort (spoiler alert, your demons can penetrate that castle), I do not conjure up ideas of placing the responsibility of my comfort on the shoulders of someone else, whether that be through sex, embrace or conversation.
Where I do find comfort, is having a good conversation with myself, an honest conversation, while I clean my space, no matter how I feel… do I cook? Sure, I do, I create stews from root vegetables, tethering myself to earth, while my mind and spirit wanders far from my body, I brew plants from my garden into teas and concoctions.
I tie up loose ends, and sometimes cut them free altogether, I see everything in a blend of grey, for there is no black and white, something that the Nordic völva, had a deep understanding of, their magic never classed anything as good and evil, as black, and white. I evaluate everything that needs my attention, that plays on my subconscious, with a high level of nuance… I then take the actions appropriate for me… and in recent times, I do not explain them to anyone… for we do not owe anyone an explanation.
We may ask for one… but it is not owed to us… maybe the lack of emotional resilience is an issue within itself, entitlement is a slippery slope, and feels like a very accepted norm when it comes to what we think we are owed on an emotional level from others.
Something that my partner has taught me well and was a huge blow to my own ego.
During a heated discussion, I was shut down with… “I can see you are looking for an answer, and you are not going to get one” he then went on to tell me that he is “is allowed to have his own feelings” and that feeling is anger, and to shut me out, until he wants to talk to me… and that made me really take a step back and look at my very own entitlement…thinking I am owed something, just because I am entangled with this person.
The power over one’s own mind, plays an incredible role when it comes to finding comfort. Many years ago, I was involved with someone in his thirties, and I must have been twenty… he had come to Australia seeking asylum during the civil war in El Salvador, and he had been through violence as a child that most people in Australia, could not even fathom, almost seeing his own brother killed before his very eyes. For all that he had been through, he was always joking and smiling, you would never know that the business he built from the ground up, after coming from extreme poverty, was crumbling.
I remember one day he was dodging calls from the bank; he had debt collectors chasing him, was going through a very nasty divorce, and was on the brink of loosing everything. I asked that night, how could he be so relaxed, why was he not knee deep in paperwork, trying to fix this situation?
He replied to me this, and it has stuck with me since.
“The banks all close at 5pm, once business hours are over, there is nothing I can do, so I am not going to worry about it if I can’t do anything, I will worry again at 9am tomorrow”.
Which he did, very successfully.
We would cook dinner together, drink whiskey and tequila he could not afford, joke around, and enjoy the night, to which he would shift into a laser focused animal in fight or flight the next day, like a mythical character from a fairy-tale, putting on their fur cloak when the sun rose, to assume another form.
Comfort is not necessarily a place, food, a situation, or a person, sometimes it is a state of mind, that needs to be mastered.
Is it clever marketing, bombarded at us from birth, that says comfort comes in a pamper package for $59.99, a spa day, a retreat, a piece of clothing, a holiday, particular food, that has twisted our perceptions so significantly?
Even spirituality is not out of the reach of monetisation… crystals (often sourced through unethical practices), coaching, mentorship, occultism wrapped up in carefully marketed boxes for the mases… nothing more than a meaningless product, but yet sucks so many in… so many looking for comfort, and dare I say …purpose.
I know this for sure, you won’t find it there.
Something that really made me stop and look recently, was a sign at a chemist, that said, “No time to get sick?” and I thought… maybe people are sick because they have no time. How are people looking at this kind of message and thinking that it is how we were designed to live? Do you not feel like we are being treated and valued as nothing more than a pawn on a game board, your only purpose to generate wealth (not for yourself, don’t be silly), and as governments love to say, promote “growth” … not sure if they got the memo that the planet is not infinite, and we are facing some serious environmental damage.
Comfort is knowing rest, and taking it, you do not owe an explanation for needing it… to anyone, which again, something I say a lot, is drilled into children from school age, notes for needing to use the toilet, permission and reasons given just to do so, prizes and praise for having 100% attendance at school… how dangerous that conditioning is… how ridiculous… to prepare them for what? Come on, I know you know the answer.
I mean real rest, without a need to achieve, to please… to in crass words to “not give a fuck”.
Comfort is independence, it is acceptance, it won’t come from some outside influence, place, person, or product. It can be laying in the grass in silence, even if that silence is interrupted by uncomforting thoughts, meet them in that place, with open arms.
Comfort has no clear-cut form; it can be found in the most unlikely of places.
It is up to you, and you alone to find it, create it… or to even see it.
